Bewitched

Maybe it was a storyteller in you that made me want to make a story with you. May be it was an artist in you, that made everything beautiful around you. You call me witch but I am bewitched in your love. My all magic fails me in front of you. You are the answer to the smile on my face, reason to every decision I make, and excuses I search just to see you at least once a day.

I love you. I had fallen in love with you way before, you realized that there could be something between us. Maybe in between those tears that I shed and sometimes you did or may be it happened between those heart-warming hugs and few nonsensical dirty talks. It could have happened anytime, maybe the first time I saw you or after our few thoughtful conversations that you influenced me and inspire me somehow.

Amidst the chaos of life, I found calmness in you and that moment I fell for you. When you managed to stay in my head even at the busiest hour of the day, I knew that gravity of feelings has centered on you. Yes, I never let you know. I never pursued my feelings toward you because this time I did not want to play any games or present myself as something to impress you. I adore the things the way they were: our late night conversations, few flirtations here and there and at last the “I Love You”. I don’t know what that meant for you but for me it resonated its real meaning and I let it be the way it should be. I wanted us to be the best or nothing. We are best at what we are together and I love us. I am just happy loving you from afar, not destroying anything, specially, what we have with each other. I didn’t want to ruin anything with my feelings. I was happy the way things were. It was alright. Of course, I would be happy with me by your side, loving you and you loving me. I enjoy listening to you and what more did I need. I was and am glad that you are right there at the other end of the line and if that continues; the ‘US’ continues, what we have continues, then I don’t mind if you date me or other; if you marry me or other; as long as you are there, as long as we are together, everything is alright. No fear of circumstances can stop us.

P.S. Now don’t be flattered, because I am exaggerating and I know it’s cheesy but it’s your kind of cheese. So I hope you at least like it; answers to your question.

I Love You.

Love the way my heart swings...

Photo Courtesy: Wetsun Maskey

I want to find you

Find you at the place

Where you hugged me tight

When my tears wouldn’t stop

And you told me everything will be alright

Promised me to be right there

I want to find you again

Like that

Where I could just stay close to you

Lie my head at your chest

And listen to your heartbeat

Close to me

I can spend my forever in those arms of yours

I can spend eternity by your side

I adore every moment that has your presence

I love you to the core

And if it means to cry like last time

Going through the pain

That helps me find you like last time

I wouldn’t mind

I love you

And I don’t know how shall I put it in form of words but I simply do

I love the way my heart swings at your mere presence

I love the way my blood rush when you touch my hand

I love everything that happens whenever you are around.

समय

धेरै  रोएपछि यो खुशी आएको होकी 

यो खुशीपछि फेरि पिडा आउने हो 

रमाउँछु यो पल अनि डराउँछु पनि 

खुशी हराउँने पो होकी भनेर 

नयाँ साथीको नयाँ साथले पुराना तिता पल पखालेझैँ लाग्छ

आज मलाई फेरि जीउन सिकाएझैँ लाग्छ 

आज आफ्नो हाँसो सुनेर आफै अचम्म मान्छु 

अनि उसको कुरामा एत्तिकै रमाउँछु 

आज बदलियेछु म सायद 

अनि यही बदलाबसँग पिरती बसेछ सायद। 

अधैर्य मन

अधैर्य मन
चंचल यो उसको यादमा
आफ्नै दुनियाँमा हराएर
एत्तिकै मुस्कुराउँछ

नसम्हालिने यो मनको भाव
समेत्दा समेत्दै बहिजान्छ
समुन्द्र को छाल झैँ

उस्को सामुन्य आइपुग्द्दा टक्क रोकिन्छ
यो साँस मेरो
हृदयमा बास बसेछ
क्यार उसको
उसकै कल्पनामा व्यतित हुन्छ
अनि उस्कै यादमा हराउँछ
यो मन मेरो

भुलाउन उसलाई
कहाँ कहाँ  डुलाउँछु
यो मनलाई

अधैर्य यो मन भने
उसैमा गएर अल्झिन्छ
चुडिएर गएको चंगा
रुखमा गएर अल्झिएझैँ

Her

I don't miss her,
I miss the person I was when I was with her I dont miss her in particular But I miss our conversations
Though they never met any conclusions
Nothing ever made sense But every nonsense made sense with her Our heartbreaks our crushes our happiness
No matter how minute, we needed to tell each other Cos' nobody understood us better than one another
I miss Her happy laughter Her crazy sense Her protectiveness The food she made And the way she fed me Like a mother
I remember The day she left The day she abandoned The day she said goodbye No I don't miss Her in particular
But I miss our Need to see each other Or me calling her at insane hour of time just because the crush replied hi Because she knew what that meant for me
Sometimes its not the need to share grief that makes you want a companion Sometimes its the need to share happiness,
The good news that makes you wish you had a company
To talk with
You need a friend with whom you could blabber
All the while as she cooks dinner for you and still listen to you And still reply to your nonsense without judging you I miss that friend of mine No I don't miss Her in particular But i miss that friend who just got me like no other

And Let Go...

There are times...

I want to hold everything possible so nothing slips

Next,

I want to let go of everything so not to bear any attachments 

May be this is what change does to us 

And so does betrayal

There are times...

I get tired coming off strong

Times there are no options other than being one

Times I wish I could tear apart everything in hand

But I smile and let go

This episode seems so long

Like a mourning song

No sooner sadness becomes habit

And happiness frightens you

Attention flusters you

Attachment tortures you

But then you face it like a warrior

Letting it hurt you 

To help you feel it

And let go

Enchanted

Who are you? A charmer? A Casanova? Who are you? Because whoever you are you sweep me off my feet as if I’m charmed by something. I become more aware about myself that I get rid of words and become more conscious than a minute before you arrived in front of me- so conscious that I become unconscious about the surrounding as if all of a sudden environment I’m living around has gone into a mute version. Your sudden presence makes me forget all the vocabulary that existed in my mind. And I know no reason for this. I desire to meet you one moment and the moment I meet you I regret that desire because I lose the sense of self.

My mind exercises a lot to find excuses to meet you. Sometimes it really gives funny ideas and I literally laugh alone in my room for having those ideas but when something genuine and realistic comes in my mind I think of making a call then I try to gather all the courage in the world to slide your name on my contacts to call you. I still haven’t realized why I need to gather courage to call you. It’s just a call, after all. It might be because I’m planning a lot about this thing but why do I need to plan at all?  When I get rid of excuses to meet you, I beg the coincidence to make us meet somewhere out of the blue. It’s amazing how big this world is and how small the technology has made it and yet we never meet. Seriously, sometimes even being a Facebook friend doesn’t help.  I’m worse when it comes to keeping up the conversation in distance. No wonder I need to think lots of thing before I talk to you like rehearsing the lines of a drama.

You express out so many lovely things in a joking manner and despite knowing it’s just a joke- a lie, my heart wants to believe every word you said as if it came deep from your heart and I wish it was. I know those are lies but I want to believe every one of them.  When lie seems so beautiful, you expect every fragment of it to be true.

The world where my imagination resides is so beautiful and precious with your presence, that I don’t want reality to peek into it and shatter the whole world like aliens conspire to destroy the world we live in as some movies show. But now I feel like the imaginary walls are breaking off and the reality shall soon break in and I am afraid to see what might be there at the other side. I really hope it is same as it is in this side.

I don’t know what this feeling is either it’s an admiration towards you or just an infatuation or something more than what a word can define. All I know is, it would do no good for me and I can do nothing about it. You really don’t deserve so much of attention from me and I wish I could know the switch off button of this feeling whatever you call it.

Once upon a starry sky

It was those days of spring that didn’t turn out to be beautiful and romantic for her as it would for poets, writers, lyricist and lover. She could see a world of light and a home of her own in those arms of his. He was not her everything because everything  is never equally special, he was that one special gem to her that she would do anything to secure but never had she expressed it out loud not even that day. He asked her one more time, “Do you really want to leave me? Do you not love me?” But never did he assure her that he would settle this problem or sort things out or havoc that he has created in their life. He only asked her if he was important for her not ever mentioning if she was important to him. She stood their silently, on that starry night above a majestic hill that gave a gorgeous view of their city, with him. The lights were shining below them from the houses and above with stars. It would have been a perfect scene to propose someone and make them yours forever but nothing was ever according to scene for them.

Spring was never romantic for them, this beautiful starry night would become the place of their separation, in fact, they fell for each other during fall, the season that has managed its place in field of tragedy; cold like winter wind like stuff. But they managed to break such stereotypes of seasons; they met on fall and parted upon the beautiful night of spring on the beautiful hill surrounded with gentle breeze of wind dedicated most of the time for lovers. They were not lovers, they never were. They loved each other, no doubt on that but no, they were not lovers. She listened to him and after a moment of silence, she gazed at the stars and replied him, “Yes, I love you. I do not want to leave you but trust me when I say this, this is the only thing we can do.

We have tried very hard. This is not the first time we are discussing over the same situation again and again. How long do you wish to continue this? How long are we carrying this chaos with us? I can deal with all this but, the thing is, I don’t want to anymore.” He didn’t utter a word after that. She went towards her car and motioned him in. She drove the car downhill. Both of them never uttered a word. Silence stayed inside the car like a ghost. He loved her a lot but he felt in loss of word to make her stay because somehow deep inside he knew that she was right. He was never going to solve the problem that he has created. Things were not in his hand anymore. So he sat silently while she drove with complete blank expression in her face. An old romantic song was playing on the radio and yet this timing of music happened to be at wrong place. None of them bothered to change the channel. Maybe because they were not listening to the songs played on radio as their heads were filled with noise of past few months.

She stopped outside his house. He looked at her without saying anything. She just stared at the darkness in front of her and said one word, “Goodbye.” Her voice was small and hoarse. It felt like she didn’t want to utter the word but she knew she had to. She didn’t want to let herself get weak again like last time and make both of them suffer. This was right. No fights, no shouts, simple and silent separation. Her want would only lead both of them back to the never ending loop of love, affection, dilemmas, confusion, chaos and anger. 

He nodded and got out of the car. She illuminated the dark road with her car headlights and went ahead towards her home. And he went back to his.

2015

2015 has been a year to let go...

Let go the people you adore

Let go the people who were toxic

While some died

Some chose to leave on their accord

Some were shown door

And some were hard goodbyes

2015 was all about letting go

Letting go things that hold you down

Letting go ego that made you drown

Letting go love that made you weak

And insult you to the peak

Letting go hatred that bottled up

So that,

A New Year has a space for newness

A space for friendships to grow

A space for seeds of success to sow

A space to learn more

A space to gain morality

A space for new chapter.

A Whole New Year Awaits...

Dementor's Kiss

In this Wilderness

I forgot who I am

I lost myself

Every part of me is falling apart

My soul is tormented

And my mind is lost

Life is crazy

And this craziness is bewildering

I am drowning into the ocean of frustration

And any savior will do to save me from this turmoil

'Cos I can no longer help myself

I am suffocated

I am chained

I am a prisoner of life that traumatizes every once in a while

I am looking for an escape that isn't there

I am looking for a hand that shall not be extended

I love being alone but this time it feels like loneliness

It feels like a Dementor's Kiss 

Sucking happiness and soul out of you

And turning you into an Empty shell...

.

Unable to catch up with the current,

I am losing hope

I no longer have good words to help

I can no longer see light
For there is only darkness.

Pic:Harrypotter.wikia.com

Be a Little CraZy

Why can't we just be ourselves?

Be a little crazy
Be a little lost
And be a little hazy
Just let go of what drags us down

Why can't we fall in love with anyone we like?

And not have to tell them

Or embarrassed about

Or just love and let it stay in any form we like...

Why?

Why can't we be just a little crazy

Why so many rules to live by

Why so many attachments and fear of losing them

In every fragment of life...

Let's be a little crazy
Let's be a little lost
Let's just be our truest self
Let's fall and rise in love

Let's begin...

Me on Youth Voice on Human Dignity ;)

A chance to express myself on the platform of Human Dignity. Thank you so much #HumanDignityNetwork for this oppurtunity.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOpSEyWXRi4&feature=youtu.be

Jigsaw Puzzles & Us

Don't you see...
You and I are two different pieces of Jigsaw Puzzle
That fits perfectly fine but fails to form a picture
Together we do not contribute anything for bigger picture
Except for confusion
We are two ends that fits somewhere else than together

But please tell me I am wrong

Prove me wrong, tell me we fit fine, 

It is other pieces creating illusion

In fact, we are meant to be together

Without us there cannot be a picture

Let me know, we should be together

'Cos my heart says otherwise

And my mind pushes you away

Tell me we together

Are perfect for each other 

For the bigger picture.

Little Joys of Life

Oh! Those little joys

That escapes our eyes

Caught up so bad

In the bewilderment of life

We fail to appreciate

Tiny little adventure of ride

Sound of laughter

And fragments of pleasure.

We overlook the simple joys

A small curve on the face

Could light up the darkness

A small laughter can

Flood a heart

With happiness.

We are forgetting to live

In the midst of this madness

We just breathe

The air in and air out

Oh..Those little joys of life

That we underestimate

Oh! Those little joys

Of Walking the silent road

Under the vast star embedded sky

Ah! Those little joys

When your phone beeps

From the text of your lover

When scorn turns into smile

And those little joys....

Of Meeting an old friend

Of Dreaming Of Thinking

Of Talking about life

Going on a ride...

Drunken smile

Walking a mile

Cooking a meal

Having a zeal

Sharing little joy

Reminiscing old days

Going on our own way

Smiling and laughing.

Oh!! Those little joys of life

That we underestimate

Aren't really little...

Spider & its web

Does spider ever get caught up in its own web?
Does it ever get tangled and die?
OR
Does it find its way out?

Does it ever find it tedious to work on web?
Feel like its not worth it waiting for the prey.
Is the web overwhelming for it?
Does it ever feel that way?

Does it ever wanna escape the web?
Like we humans do..
Trying to breakout from the web-
The web called life...




-Jenisha Manandhar

Photo Courtesy: Bibhas Maharjan Suwal (https://www.facebook.com/bibhasms/)

A little more

A journey I never want to end
The ecstasy of life I enjoy
Desire to walk more on the very road
Travel a little more
Feel the air,
Breathe the moment
A little more
A little more
To last forever
Little more to never end

Few extra moments with
Loved ones
Where we sing together
To the rhythm of life
Where we understand
One another's laughter
The stares and the gaze
And every little gestures

Let me treasure a little more
These moments of finding me
And more moments of peace
A little more for the lifetime
A little extra of everything
Or just let it be like this
For the eternity

A journey so beautiful
I could live there forever
and more
Let me walk this road
A little more
Let the journey last a little more
A little more to last forever
A little more for lifetime



-Jenisha Manandhar
Photo Courtesy: Raj Manandhar (https://www.facebook.com/RajKipagrapher/?fref=ts)