Enchanted

Who are you? A charmer? A Casanova? Who are you? Because whoever you are you sweep me off my feet as if I’m charmed by something. I become more aware about myself that I get rid of words and become more conscious than a minute before you arrived in front of me- so conscious that I become unconscious about the surrounding as if all of a sudden environment I’m living around has gone into a mute version. Your sudden presence makes me forget all the vocabulary that existed in my mind. And I know no reason for this. I desire to meet you one moment and the moment I meet you I regret that desire because I lose the sense of self.

My mind exercises a lot to find excuses to meet you. Sometimes it really gives funny ideas and I literally laugh alone in my room for having those ideas but when something genuine and realistic comes in my mind I think of making a call then I try to gather all the courage in the world to slide your name on my contacts to call you. I still haven’t realized why I need to gather courage to call you. It’s just a call, after all. It might be because I’m planning a lot about this thing but why do I need to plan at all?  When I get rid of excuses to meet you, I beg the coincidence to make us meet somewhere out of the blue. It’s amazing how big this world is and how small the technology has made it and yet we never meet. Seriously, sometimes even being a Facebook friend doesn’t help.  I’m worse when it comes to keeping up the conversation in distance. No wonder I need to think lots of thing before I talk to you like rehearsing the lines of a drama.

You express out so many lovely things in a joking manner and despite knowing it’s just a joke- a lie, my heart wants to believe every word you said as if it came deep from your heart and I wish it was. I know those are lies but I want to believe every one of them.  When lie seems so beautiful, you expect every fragment of it to be true.

The world where my imagination resides is so beautiful and precious with your presence, that I don’t want reality to peek into it and shatter the whole world like aliens conspire to destroy the world we live in as some movies show. But now I feel like the imaginary walls are breaking off and the reality shall soon break in and I am afraid to see what might be there at the other side. I really hope it is same as it is in this side.

I don’t know what this feeling is either it’s an admiration towards you or just an infatuation or something more than what a word can define. All I know is, it would do no good for me and I can do nothing about it. You really don’t deserve so much of attention from me and I wish I could know the switch off button of this feeling whatever you call it.